Sunday, December 14, 2008

Tearing up my heart



It was always summer and the future called
We were ready for adventures and we wanted them all,
and there was so much left to dream,
and so much time to make it real

But it was long ago, and it was far away
Oh God, it seems so very far,
and if life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are
And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

Those exact words from a song for meatloaf came to my mind early this morning, although I intended not to write anything about what I'm feeling since four days.

I had my holidays and feast vacation last week and it lasted for 10 days.
I wished to use that time to write some stuff here and post some book reviews, but I didn't fully enjoy my vacation, despite going out with friends, having dinner out, and laughing out loud at the movies... I tried to locate myself in different places, and my mind as well, but It kept thinking about one thing.... Nada's face.

Nada is one of my far relatives, but we were quite good friends when were very young, we were at the same school, and particularly she was with my brother at the very same class.

Nada passed away on the first day of feast in a car accident while going with her husband and baby girl to Sharm El-Sheik. Her Baby Girl Lobna and her husband are fine, but it was Nada who didn't make it, it was her fate to pass away after about 15 hours from the accident due to repercussions in her spleen and because of the usual unequipped hospitals in Egypt (thanx to Sharm el sheik Hospital's unfound equipments and medical ignorance of ER).

After all, it was God's will to take her soul at that very moment.
And as I try to think about it, I try to feel satisfaction, but it comes mixed with rage, agony, and shock.
I can't help but feel shocked, although the last time I saw Nada was about one year ago, but we used to talk, write comments on photos, and communicate through facebook.

I still can't erase Nada's pics from my mind, although she erased them from facebook two months ago.

I numbly attended her funeral and her burial watching huge amount of people, her friends, family, neighbors, and even teachers, all crying her and praying for her.

It tore up my heart when I saw her sweet angel daughter Lobna running, dancing and smiling, and don't understand or even know why all those people are dressed in black.
Lolo is still 1 year and three months old, she's so sweet and calm and always smiling just like her mom.

I saw her for the first time yesterday when I was visiting Nada's parents to console them after they returned from el-Haj.
Seeing Aunt Amani (Nada's mom) made me speechless throughout my 3 and a half hrs visit, I was scarcely holding my tears, seeing her pictures hanged all over the place... A large wedding picture, her graduation picture, and some of Lolo's pictures as well... all of that was stored in my mind till I got into the car on my way home and it played again and again and again.

I burst into tears throughout my way home, and when I started to sleep at night, it all came back to me, that I couldn't just stop crying my heart out until I slept.

I just can't forget her face and her sweet memory, she left good words and good deeds as well that'll be immortal.

I still remember when we used to play at each other's homes, go to the club along with our families, and attend so many occasions together.
Nada was a childhood friend... it was long ago, when we were still so very young and innocent and don't have any problems or anything to cry for except a broken toy or an unsolved homework.
There was still so much to dream of and so much to achieve, but God chose that time knowing that her time and message in life has been done.

she was always intelligent at school, an active and eminent student, and very decent as well.
Nada, the morning Dew, as her name means, was like a sweet dream, a breeze that came so soft, and went by so soft.
I think I'll never ever forget her, coz her loss at that young age and all of a sudden left a wound in my heart.
I'll always pray for little Lolo to be just like her mom, and I'll always pray for you Nada and wish from God that we'll meet again in Heaven ISA.

So... I won't say Goodbye, just... see you again, soon.

2 comments:

hossam el ghazzawi said...

Dear Mariam,

Reading your sweet thoughts about Nada my little baby has made all of us back in tears,but we frlt confort in our souls after reading it,
thank you,
Hossam Ghazzawi,Amany,Adham,Ahmed & Lobna

Mariam said...

Dear Uncle Hossam,

I wasn't that close to Nada, but I feel that she is so close to my heart now even more and more and I never forget her in my prayers..

She was the sister I wished to have...and really you don't have to thank me at all... These were my true feelings and still are..

I'll visit you soon InshaAllah, and wish to see Lulu:)